I cried three times today.
Earlier today, I assisted a friend while she showed Potter's House students how to collage their own journal. She talked for a few minutes, telling her story of how she came into the journal-making business. Might I add that she is brilliant and makes the most amazing journals ever? Mandy Holt is her name and you can find her fan page on Facebook. Declarations of Love is the name. :) Anyway, after she finished speaking, she played a song for us. Jenn Johnson sings it and I don't even recall the words to it, but it was all about loving God and how he makes her happy. At first, I just sat and soaked in the words, letting them make there way through my ears and down into my heart, nestling themselves into the depths, the secret places. They went into cracks and crevices I didn't know were there, because once the song was nearing the end, I broke and the rain started falling and falling and falling until little puddles showed themselves on my sweatshirt and pant leg.
During the ending of the song, as Jenn sang her love to God, God whispered very gently a reminder, something I had let go of- that I am more important than what I do. It was a love song just for me and the words of the song melted my heart into a soft, pliable clay that he began to reshape. His lips spilled words of love all over me as I held my head in my hands, trying to keep my crying as silent as possible (I was supposed to be there for the students, not me! Ha!).
In the last couple weeks, my circumstances have taken an interesting turn and all my thoughts had turned toward what I was going to do, both temporarily and in the long run. I thought I had lost my dreams and strived to find out what A'lyce should be DOING with her life.
I forgot how to be, even if for only a moment. But in that moment, I lost sight of my Lover and his heart for me.
Later in the afternoon, I paid a visit to Borders where my free Vanilla latte (it pays to drink Seattle's Best!) and free Wi-Fi awaited me. I scrolled through pages of beads and apartments and cars and jobs, trying to figure out ways to force the puzzle pieces of my life together. We all know how that works. It doesn't. And then on Facebook, I notice a wedding video posted by Danny Silk (friends of his, I guess) and I decided to watch it. Oh me, oh my. Waterworks session, number two happens right there. People are watching me as I am watching the video, tears streaming down my face. It was the most simple, elegant, beautiful wedding I have ever seen. In it was portrayed deep love that had conquered fear, freedom, and sooo much joy. In it, my God sang again a love song to me.
I am more important than what I do.
Nothing really triggered the third set of fallen tears. I just started crying. Ha. I think it was just leftovers that needed to come out and afterwards, I felt light and fluffy, like a cloud.
And throughout the entire day I kept thinking about kites and hot air balloons. Kites are much more unpredictable and harder to control, trying to lift you of the ground and plant your face in the mud. Trust me, I flew a two-stringed kite the other day and it was a blast...However, if that wind was any stronger, I would have been picked up and body-slammed into the concrete wall.
And hot air balloons seem more graceful, allowing you to take in the view all around you without have to solely focus on keeping it in the air like you would a kite. Kites are adventurous and daring and hot air balloons are luxurious and peaceful.
I have been trying to fly the kite; trying to control where it goes and what it does. It totally keeps crashing.
Now, I'm dropping the strings and stepping into the hot air balloon. I no longer have my sites on just a kite, but everything around me- the gorgeous scenery of my life in 360 degree view and it's all about love. Love is sewn into the tapestry of my heart with everything that my Lover is. He is love. My Love. And my eyes are fixed on Love.
